Reflection

“REFLECTION”

By Worship Associate Marisa Pasquini | July 9, 2017

I am a self-proclaimed neatnik. Few things make me happier than having a clean, organized
home, which looks a little like this: walking through my front door, seeing shoes placed into,
not next to, the basket meant for shoes. The throw pillows on the sofa artfully, yet comfortably,
set on the ends of each couch. The magazines on the coffee table in a neat stack, and the TV
remotes on the media center, at a 45 degree angle! I have been known to walk through the
house from entrance to exit and neaten each area to my own version of perfection. I admit that
I’ve indulged in this compulsion for many years.

When my two daughters were toddlers, my obsession was in full swing! As they played
happily with costumes, crayons, puzzles, dumping magazines and books, I would follow
behind them like a clucking hen, picking up and putting away one thing after another. Worse
than my perfectionism was the self-imposed judgment and negative self-talk I endured, silently
comparing myself to other “normal, better moms.” I remember wishing I could let my house be
like my sister’s when her boys were young, a minefield of Lego, Transformers, and mayhem. I
do have happy memories of singing, dancing, tickles and giggles, coloring and reading stories
with my girls, but overall, I couldn’t accept that my longed-for environment and my actual
environment were so dissimilar. I remember it being not a very playful environment, especially
for me.

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